When You Fall for Someone You Have Never Even Met

Recently, I visited my friend Naveen on the occasion of Onam. Even though he was dolled up in a veshti, looking like a traditional Mallu guy, I could clearly see that he was somber and lost somewhere else. His visibly fake smile was doing most of the work, assuring guests and his family members that nothing had happened.

Well, before you start judging Naveen, let me tell you, he is a really nice-nice guy. By the term “nice guy,” don’t consider him celibate or someone who only talks about history, civics, geography and politics. He hides a mountain of feelings deep inside his heart. His problem is that he tries to be an ambivert and approach girls, but they often leave him in the lurch when it comes to dating or relationships.

I have often heard that nice guys finish last or something like that. I can’t remember the exact wording, but for someone like Naveen, whom I have known for such a long, long time, I never imagined something like this happening to him.

He is 28. He has completed his M.Phil. in English Literature and also has a PG Diploma in Broadcast Journalism, both from a top-notch university in Kerala. Yet, he prefers working for a Dubai-based firm with a highly lucrative salary package while working remotely from home.

If you want me to spot any shortcomings in this guy, I would only say that he doesn’t own a car or a house, and he is not innately aggressive like the stereotypical bad boys or badass guys. For the last few months, he has been searching for his significant other on various matrimonial sites. He prefers a love marriage, but since that is not happening, he is okay with going through the traditional arranged matrimonial route.

Why This Rejection Hurt Him So Much

Now, coming to the Onam celebration, I asked him what was the matter. Let me clarify, even I am unmarried and somewhat categorise myself as a nice guy with an intellectual and creative bent of mind. So, we understand each other well. Nodding his head, Naveen told me there was nothing serious. But he had recently found a match and she had declined his interest.

So what? It is common on matrimonial sites, and many of us have faced it at least more than once during our matchmaking journeys.

“I agree, it’s common. But after more than six and a half years since I faced my first heartbreak, when my office crush friend-zoned me, this is the first time I have found someone so pretty, perfect and positive. You can say I got attracted to her smile, style, grace, face, dress, voice and whatnot. It’s okay, she may have some inhibitions, she may have some problems. I didn’t meet her, and our compatibility might have been imperfect. But at least in my city, Idukki, I haven’t found someone so similar to me… at least that’s what I guess,” Naveen stated.

I stood there, trying to figure out why a simple rejection on a matrimonial site hurt Naveen so badly. He is the guy who doesn’t approach girls. He is the guy who doesn’t have too many female friends. So, perhaps he had already started falling for this matrimonial match in his mind, heart and soul. I asked him to tell me exactly what had happened and why he felt so dejected.

When a Possibility Starts Feeling Like a Relationship

“Long story short. Her name was Rosy. She was a PG teacher at a local ICSE English-medium school where she teaches Accountancy. She is a Christian. I am a Hindu. But that doesn’t make any difference. I am liberal. My parents have no objections to whom I choose because they know that, just like my previous choices and choices of jobs, I will choose the best life partner for myself,” Naveen added.

“In a state where joblessness is at such a high level, I am still earning much more than many others without leaving my hometown. Take Rosy, for instance. She earns almost 30% of what I am earning right now. She clearly mentions her salary level on the matrimonial site. Suppose Rosy earns X at her school as a PGT teacher, then I earn 3X while working from home. It’s as simple as this.

“If money and salary package were the criteria, she shouldn’t have rejected me. Because mostly, a bride’s family expects her groom to be sensible, calm, educated, earn a good salary, and be polite, caring and responsible. And you know I am a guy who is ready to go the extra mile for my loved ones. I have proved it time and again.

“And as far as owning a house is concerned, that is already in my mind within the next 5–6 years. But at least she should have directly asked me about that instead of straightforwardly declining my interest. Also, I may not know how to drive and don’t own a car, but wherever I go, I always use a cab and pay for it. Why not? If you are working from home and getting a fat salary package, why bear even a slight inconvenience when you move outside? You are capable of paying cab drivers, and I do exactly that. Indirectly, I am also helping the cab drivers run their families. Am I wrong?

The Relationship That Never Began

“Even for my school and college friends, I did whatever I could. I hope you remember how I helped Punit with the necessary funds when he was applying for a scholarship at a US university and needed some urgent paperwork and documentation. He did return that money to me seven or eight months later, but I helped him when he needed it the most.”

I gazed at him and showed him a victory sign to demonstrate that I agreed with his thoughts. “Naveen, she might have someone else in her dreams. She might be dreaming of a boy who fulfils her fantasies. You are just not the right fit for her, I said”

Naveen nodded his head and said that after he found her on a matrimonial site, he reached out to her on social media and even liked a few of her posts, just as a token of appreciation and to start a conversation. But instead of acknowledging his presence or advances, of course, in a good sense, she simply declined his interest.

“What next, Naveen?” I asked. Almost instantly, he replied, “I also unfollowed her. But she is still in my mind. She is creative, I am creative. She loves teaching, so do I. She sings, she writes, she paints, and so do I. She is active on social media, so am I. She loves posting beautiful pictures and reels, and I also love doing it.

“Since she didn’t reciprocate my feelings or even acknowledge my attempts to connect with her on social media, I also decided to unfollow her right there.”

In Conclusion

The question is not why she declined Naveen. She had every right to do so. The question is why this rejection hurt Naveen so much when, at least from his perspective, he and Rosy shared the same hobbies, the same passion for education, a similar interest in looking good and being active on social media, and the same desire to find a perfect match for themselves.

Perhaps Naveen had already imagined too much before their story had even begun. He had seen a woman whose interests, appearance and aspirations seemed remarkably similar to his own, and somewhere in his mind, a beautiful possibility had already taken shape.

But a possibility is not a relationship. Rosy declined his interest, and a sweet little possibility that Naveen had imagined never got the chance to become a story.