In India, an arranged marriage is a custom. It’s convention. How about getting a videshi bahu or a foreigner daughter-in-law for your son? Believe me, sometimes, it feels good to stand isolated for a rational cause!
Now imagine, one day a son working at a high-pay job in New York arrives straight to his parent’s doorstep with an American bride – his love.
Ting tong! The bell rang. His mom opened the door and was utterly shocked!! She started crying… !!
No, this is definitely not the right way to welcome a new member to your house. It also means that you don’t believe in the choice that your son has made for himself.
After all, by all logic a love marriage is far better than the arranged one. If he has married an American blonde – it’s his personal choice. Both father and mother of the child must respect that.
1) Make Each Conversation Amusing: Probably, the primary reason why parents don’t agree to get their son married to a foreigner is the communication gap.
They feel that the bride won’t understand Indian language. But when the two loving souls are happy then why should there be any hindrance? Let English be the common language between all of you.
2) Non-Black Hair Is No Issue: If she is having a white or silver hair, how does it annoy you? May be, she doesn’t prefer the traditional Indian hairstyle and instead, she simply keeps her hair open.
Let it be so. Hair has nothing to do with her demeanor and behavior. If she respects her parent-in-law then in-laws should also give her enough freedom to live the life she wants.
3) She Wears Gorgeous & Hot Outfits: Common, are we stooping to such a low level that we consider a person’s intellect and skills by looking at her dress style? If she prefers wearing a skirt or simply blazer – let her enjoy that.
If people eye her in a raunchy manner for donning an attractive outfit immediately bring it to the notice of the police. Enough is enough. Every woman should get full freedom to dress as per her own style – whether she is an Indian or a foreigner living in India.
4) Participation at Traditional Festival: We are blessed with so many festivals to celebrate round the year. But it must not come between the love-life of your son and daughter-in-law.
Don’t force her to celebrate or participate in Indian festivals unless she herself is ready to do so after the initial culture shock.
5) One More Wedding Ceremony and Event: Don’t argue with your son that why he has married a girl abroad without informing parents? These arguments and family spats look really weird.
Simply plan another marriage ceremony In India as per the custom – your daughter-in-law will also love this big fat Indian wedding.
Don’t crib over what has happened but try to make your life less stressful.
6) Cooking Is an Art, Train Her: Most Indians are foodies by heart. And to a large extent, they don’t want to compromise on that aspect. A mother-in-law usually expects her daughter-in-law to be adept at cooking Indian foods.
But at most times it’s quite impossible to even imagine that someone coming from off land with different food habits is well-accustomed to the art of making Indian food. But with a few days of training and enlightenment, everything gets right.
Who knows your Videshi bahu (foreigner daughter-in-law) may start cooking food better than you!
7) She Has Too Many Boyfriends, So What!: It’s really tragic that even in the 21st century, people judge couple’s loyalty by looking into his or her friend-list. Women from developed countries are often viewed with suspicions because of their friendly behavior with guys.
On the contrary, in India, at many places, a guy-girl friendship always attracts unwanted attention. If your daughter-in-law is having a lot of male friends, is it a crime? Isn’t your son also having good female buddies too?
Remember: mere having contacts with opposite sex after marriage doesn’t challenge the longevity of a nuptial knot, but a breakdown of trust in a relationship does.
8) She will take your Son away, No Problem: Why not? If your son is getting a good life and pay-cheque abroad by investing the same amount of work, skills and effort that he is putting now in India, what’s wrong with it?
If your son and daughter-in-law settle abroad with their children – it’s actually just a normal phase of life. Who doesn’t want a good, safe and luxurious life? In fact, both of you (parents) should also go and settle abroad if living in India doesn’t interest you anymore.
9) Unacceptable to Society, We Don’t Care: If there is one reason that we Indians are extremely serious about our son or daughter’s marriage it is the society! WTH!
If your neighbor insults you for accepting a videshi bahu (foreigner daughter-in-law) then they are not the ones who you should care about.
At the end of the day, the happiness of your son and daughter-in-law matters – nothing else. Now suppose if he had married any other girl, and remained unhappy forever!
A Foreigner Daughter in law or Son’s life-long Pain?
It is a sort of illusion to believe in the boundaries of countries. These were created by humans to fulfil their own selfish interest.
But love is innocent and priceless. In a way, it’s a wanderer in its own respect. It is something that connects hearts irrespective of language, region, custom, and religion.
(Atish Home Chowdhury)
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